The Naming of Cats By T.S. Elliot

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,

It isn't just one of your holiday games;

You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter

When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.

First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,

Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,

Such as Victor, or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey---

All of them sensible everyday names.

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,

Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames;

Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter----

All of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,

 A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,

Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,

Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,

Such as Munkustrap,  Quaxo or Coricopat.

Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellyorum---

Names that never belong to more than one cat.

But above and beyond, there's still one name left over,

And that is the name that you will never guess;

The name that no human research can discover---

But the CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.

The reason, I tell you, is always the same:

His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation

Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:

His ineffable effable

Effanineffable

Deep and inscrutable singular Name.